I watched Tila Tequila’s reunion and found I was less impressed with it than I expected.  Sure, reunion shows are just eye candy anyway - see how the stars have cleaned up since they’ve seen themselves on television.  Invariably, the contestants are prettier.  They sparkle a little in their newness.  Tila’s show wasn’t much different.  D. and I watched much of it on fast forward (my probably very annoying addiction) since we didn’t see the early episodes of the show stopping only on shots of Dani to confirm that, no, she didn’t usually wear make-up and yes, Tila’s connection with her was uncertain.

Since seeing the show, I’ve heard more commentary about Dani and her “futch” label (curious? here’s her myspace.)  I don’t often think about my own identity as a lesbian, but I suppose I have unconscious markers for others.  I don’t defend this about myself.  I know that no one marker defines a person but I use them as I do when browsing in a bookstore.  Do I like the cover?  Does the title say something to me?  Who wrote it?  Is the blurb something I’m interested in?  Is the first paragraph compelling?  The book might have the most beautiful cover in the world and still be horrendous.  My impressions of the markers simply serve to help me make a reading decision. 

When it comes to women, I’m not looking for a partner.  I’m not even particularly looking for friends.  It’s just sort of a constant scan to give me some impression of what kind of person she is.  Do I think she’s gay?  What is her personal style?  Does she carry herself a certain way?  I admit that I do look at hair length, voice tone, body structure - very stereotypical indicators of butch/femme.  She has long hair, walks with a sway, has pretty drop earrings, a high pitched voice, make-up?  A femme.  She has short hair, a swagger, a deeper voice, an austure fashion sense?  A butch.  I’m okay with being wrong.  It’s just a first impression after all.  It’s more complicated than that, of course.  It’s age and how she handles it, where I’ve met her and what she’s doing.  Dani did and still does, register as butch on my scale.

While you can call yourself anything you like, a lot of what others know about you is formed by how you present yourself.  I won’t belabor the make-up point since I hit that already but her stance, tone, attitude, style, and style say butch.  Like a trashy romance masquerading in a hardback with a sleek, black cover written by Stephen Hawking, her make-up and self-styling as futch are incongruous. 

Dylan mentioned that it would be nice to have a butch representative on tv (I paraphrase.)  I agree, unlike femmes who often “pass” (and that’s another post altogether), butches don’t often have a mirror in the public eye.  It seems that to be commercially successful, you need to have some femme markers regardless of your own identification.  As far as I’m concerned, butch women can be hot and I’d like to see more of them.  Well, not just because they can be hot, but because we need to see people like us.  We need everyone to see gay women, to recognize that we come in all styles and aren’t aberrations of nature.  It would be nice to get the foothold that gay men have acquired in the public eye, though I’d like to do that without seeing caricatures of ourselves.

People, you’ve got to stop me when I monopolize the conversation like that.  Regardless of your own reading preferences, I’d love to hear what your own markers for butch women are (and femmes too for that matter.)  That said, I don’t expect m(any?) more Tila posts but D. and I are still stuck on the concept of Tila as a dominant or submissive personality and how that related to her choice.  However, I can’t think of a nice way to bring it up in mixed company so we’ll just keep the pot on to simmer.

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