C – Control Freak

Posted: 10 May 2005 in A-Z, therapy, writing
Tags: , ,

C

Or so my ex therapist, Brenda, said. I pointed out that I didn’t think therapists generally used expressions like that and she laughed at me. Funny though, she’s right.

I’ve always wanted to have a therapist on retainer, just in case I had something that needed processing. I’m sure that desire in and of itself probably screams therapy. Before Brenda, I went once to another woman just to be sure brain surgery wasn’t a lark I was taking for the hell of it. After listening to what I had to say with very wide eyes and a semi-tilted head, she told me there was nothing wrong with me. In fact, I was extremely well adjusted, despite seeing monkeys on the side of the road. About a year later, when everything that could go wrong did, I went to a new therapist, certain I’d been through enough to have something wrong with me this time. Apart from my disastrous ex girlfriend and the control factor, Brenda spent 4 months with me determining there was still not much wrong.

She’s right though. When I’m neurotic, it’s because I haven’t had time to brainstorm all the possible outcomes to a situation and all the potential actions and reactions that could occur. I hate it when cars coast to a red light, not thinking that someone behind them might be trying to get to the turn lane in order to catch the arrow. It drives me crazy when I have to stay at work late because someone else didn’t get their part of the problem resolved. Even now, I’m reluctant to wrap up the paragraph without thinking of all of the ways in which I try to control things. I wouldn’t have considered this control freak-like though, without Brenda pointing it out to me (Thanks, Brenda).

So now, instead of going through life ignorant of my shortfalls, I spend a lot of time trying to control how obnoxious I am while exercising them. It’s a good thing D. is incredibly patient.

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