You’re Not That Different. No, You’re Not.

Posted: 17 June 2005 in bitter old woman, other folks, work
Tags: , ,

Not being normally wrathful, I accept my need for torture and maiming this evening. After a wonderful three days in New York, I arrived at work (you remember work…) to find my rat-like boss quivering with some expectancy in his office door. After he twitched at me to take a seat directly, he proceeded to suggest that I would not be leaving for vacation on August 13th (as previously thought) but would be expected to stay some days later. This is, of course, to accomodate one particular numbskull who has just suddenly asked to attend his ten year high school reunion.

I missed my ten year reunion. I was in Africa cleaning up anthrax letters.
My co-workers all missed their ten year reunions. They were issuing visas in Togo, meeting with politicians in Rome and investigating nuclear improvements in Russia.

You haven’t done anything in ten years really. You’re not more accomplished, you’re not hotter. No, not even you. You only really want to go anyway to show people how great you are now, how wonderful you are, how magnificent you’ve become since mastering your stutter/acne/weight/getting contacts/getting a date. There will be another one in ten years, probably five. By which point you will be smarter, you’ll have done more, you’ll be worth something, you’ll be brilliant and beautiful and charming. You’ll be married with a gorgeous spouse. They will stand in awe of you. But not this time, ten years is too close to your senior year and nothing is as changed as you think it is. No, it isn’t.

But don’t do this to your coworkers. Don’t horn in on the vacation they’ve been expecting since March. After all, you did remember you graduated ten years ago didn’t you? It isn’t as if the cheerleaders and senior class presidents weren’t planning this for a year now. Don’t ask me to work past my game over date. Don’t leave me here in your place at 3am, stockpiling venom and bile to spew onto you when next we meet. It’s bad for your karma. No, seriously. Do the right thing and stay here. Do the smart thing and stay out of my way until you’ve regained your sanity. You’re already doing well tonight – calling in late was the best choice you’ve made today. I won’t see you and you won’t suffer. It works well for both of us.

Bonus points if you, too, missed your ten year reunion.


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