Angry Bob is No Longer Angry

Posted: 9 July 2005 in therapy, work
Tags: ,

A note to myself (and to you, as if you would consider it): rotational shift work isn’t worth the cash. I suppose a fascinating medical experiment could be conducted, resulting in a report on the effects of having Alzheimer’s, mono, insomnia and ADHD all at once. The result is disturbingly like schizophrenic autism with a healthy dose of OCD. After the newness of the night wears off, the promise of crowd-free gyms, groceries, and highways collapses. I’d rather buy my toilet paper at 6pm like everyone else. The grocery employs their slowest checkers during the day, harried moms think of Safeway as a field trip, self-check lanes become self-imploding lanes. Not having to compete for that elliptical machine is nice, but the energy of the gym is missing. It’s all milling college students on break, obsessively thin housewives, and a few assorted zombies with undereye circles matching my own. With only Katie Couric (or Judge Judy, or Ellen) for company, sweat becomes far away and unnecessary, losing the vitality of an after work session flanked by the fast-moving DC workaholics, momentarily flinging off suits for sweats. And let’s face it, the perks of speeding on near empty road at the crack of dawn and in the wee hours are few, quickly shedding the mirage of carefree driving for dodging weaving drunks, avoiding stealthy cop cars and hovering one foot near the brake in preparation for darting deer, raccoons and paving crews around every turn.

It goes without saying that I’m tired, fat and depressed. Exhaustion is disabling me mentally and physically. But there is hope: Angry Bob is no longer angry. At least, I assume he is a happier, calmer man now that he is no longer up nights protecting the nation with the rest of us. Sad to say, Bob has shifted back into the mundane, 8-5 world of sunlight, sanity and sleep. You’ll be happy to know his last hours were not without anger; Angry Bob remained true until the last possible second. This leaves me with a passel of newcomers, none of whom has distinguished himself from anyone else. I have another 25 shifts or so until I, too, slip back into normalcy on August 13th. Hallelujah.


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