Posted: 9 July 2005 in therapy, work
Tags: ,

I know I’m not the only one. I want the terror to stop. I don’t long for idyllic days of cow milking and harvest celebrations. I just want to come to work without hearing that the brave have been killed without mercy. I don’t want to be handed a news ticker at 3am stating that a soldier has been beheaded and dumped on a mountainside. I don’t want to read on CNN that the pioneering Egyptian ambassador to Iraq, the representative of the only Arab nation yet to bring diplomacy to the warzone, has been killed. I don’t want to see that an entire train full of bodies in London has yet to be explored. I don’t want to see Katie Couric in her years-too-young-for-her prairie skirt telling me the best way to break the news of hundreds dead to my four year old.

D. and I celebrated the 4th of July on the national mall, cuddled on a blanket, faces lit by the glow of the Lincoln and Washington monuments. We took the metro there, along with thousands of other patriotic celebrants. But, I never stopped thinking of the lack of security on the train and on the mall, how easily we could be targeted and killed. Perhaps it’s self-centered. But, I’m constantly thinking about the frailty of the bridge I drive over on my way to work and being isolated from my wife on the wrong side of the Potomac. As the fireworks went off on the 4th, Angry Bob noted that the soot from the explosions filtered right into our ventilation system, making him (and me) fear a chemical attack. I’m reluctant to get on the metro and I can’t count the number of times I’ve been silently thankful I won’t have to commute that way at my new assignment, moreso that I won’t even have to go into the city most days. I eye each and every plane (and with three airports, that’s not a few) with an edge of fear. Is it flying too low? Too fast? Veering to far toward the Capitol?

I don’t recall this panic prior to being pelted with news all day. But I suppose it would have come anyway. I’d love to have a subscription to the Post this fall so that I can continue doing the crossword puzzles, but I’m not sure it’s worth contending with the terror/war/slaughter headlines. Practically every magazine I read says we need to slow down to destress, we’re gaining weight due to stress, everything we see and hear causes stress. I have no way to escape the growing trend of terrorism, my mind won’t let go. It’s no wonder I’m a basketcase.


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