Merry Christmas, Here’s Your Porn

Posted: 28 July 2005 in other folks, the fantastic
Tags: ,

On Christmas eve last year, our neighbor brought us porn. We’re not fringe looking lesbians, in fact on most days, I’d be mistaken for straight. I wouldn’t even be mistaken for a fringe sort of straight person, frankly. We don’t parade naked in front of the windows (at least not when people are looking) and we keep our kink (and while it’s porn worthy, it’s not that loud) on the down low. Our neighbor is a straight man who primarily speaks Spanish and since we’re living in DC, that could make him from just about anywhere. Ecuador, Mexico, Chile, Belize, and so on. He is however, certainly not European, which (though biased) might make it more permissible for a straight man to give his two queer neighbors porn.

We were baking cookies and calling home, all Christmasy, and he knocked on the door (and didn’t stop knocking til New Years, but that’s not the point). We let him in, offered some cookies in the spirit of the holiday and tried to decipher what he was saying.
First, he ascertained that we were, in fact, lesbians.
Second, he told us he was looking for a woman.
Third, he asked us if we liked sexy movies.

We said that we did. Well, we do! But, we didn’t think he was talking about porn. No, we thought, due to the severely broken English and absence of household Spanish speakers, that he meant something like You’ve Got Mail. Not only are we not fringe looking, we’re also, apparently, naive. The neighbor, Hugo, ran next door, and came back with this:

Not knowing what else to do, we took it and promptly returned it when he left the house about five minutes later, with a note asking him nicely not to bring us any more porn.

I’m not sure what it was based on the five words we had exchanged in the year of living next door to each other that would prompt Hugo to bring us porn. We are in fact happy porn watchers (we like GreenCine for that) but we don’t share that fact with our neighbor. Unless he’s been reading our mail. Or peeping through the blinds. Naughty man! This post has been brought to you by shirtless, porn-giving neighbor Hugo, who thoughtfully posed for me to take a snapshot for you, dear reader.

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