Counting the Days

Posted: 8 August 2005 in work
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Only two more midnight and two more afternoon shifts left. I can feel the anxiety and frustration sloughing off as this job winds down.

I can clearly see myself sitting at my former desk when I made the decision to take this job. I checked with my girlfriend (now wife *yay*) to see if it would be okay, knowing that I’d do whatever possible to convince her that it was the right thing. We emailed back and forth about the pros and cons, my shoulder (now ten times more painful after a year of 9 hour shifts on the keyboard) twinging, handling the situation too lightly, not realizing how it would affect the course of everything we did this year.

I needed the money. I couldn’t turn down the extra percentage they tacked on for difficult work.
I needed the change of pace. I couldn’t answer another call from an angry Ethiopian about a visa. I was tired of the morning metro commute and walking past the hospital where I had brain surgery.
I didn’t imagine it would magnify every depressing day into a hole that seemed endless.
I didn’t believe I would gain weight, or find it so hard to get to the gym to lose weight.
I didn’t think the stress of reading daily about terrorist threats would make me that much more anxious.
I didn’t know it would handicap my sex life.

It did. And there were more consequences. The house didn’t stay clean. We signed a lease on a place that was too small for one person, let alone two with cats. I lost touch with my friends and she didn’t get to see much of hers. Everything revolved around my mood, my shifts, my sleep related migraines.

But it’s almost all over. We’re moving in mid-September to bigger place with two bedrooms. Sex is on the upswing. She’s reconnecting with couple friends, and the idea of having a fall housewarming party looks real and, better yet, fun. I start a new job, something I’m good at, in two weeks that is social and active. I can’t wait to dress like a professional again, no matter how much fun it was to wear jeans on weekends. I won’t have to work on weekends!

There are birthdays coming – hers, mine. Trips to Wyoming. Holidays I won’t have to work. A Coldplay concert the day after which we can sleep in. A staircase! In our house! A regular time at the gym. It couldn’t get worse and now, it can’t get much better.

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