Posted: 21 March 2006 in bitter old woman, queerlife
Tags: ,

One of the most wonderful things about D.’s job is the benefits. They love The Gay over there. So much so that they engage companies that will give us partner benefits. Compared to my straight-laced, pin-striped, grey flannel suit job with its standard health insurance benefits, she’s got it made. We made the decision that I would keep my own health insurance, not least of all because of my recent litany of woe, a litany that includes extensive dental work.

Miracle enough, her employer provides access to a dental network. The suits at my office say that dental insurance is essentially a losing proposition for the company, as the only people who buy in are people who need it and as it’s so expensive, they lose money. No! Really? So, I feel lucky just to pile in on what D. has. The cards arrived this week, just in time to prevent my teeth from falling out of my head. Great news, in fact, wonderful news.

Except that the cards say “D. and Spouse”. And Spouse? You mean I don’t get my own card? I don’t even get to have my name on the card? I suddenly feel like I have no identity. More so, I feel like the dental office has the right to question my use of the card. “Ma’am, this card says D and SPOUSE and you, clearly, cannot be D’s Spouse.” She’s right, I can’t be. D assures me that I can order the office to call, to get proof that I’m allowed, that I am the Spouse.

I’m sure generations of families have had the And Spouse appellation. I’m sure I’m not the first person to be bitter about losing her identity in favor of the bread-winner. But I feel a teensy bit justified in my panic since I can’t be a Spouse. Is there something wrong with just saying “and Family”? Cause I’m definitely family. D. insisted that she tried to reason with them and that they in turn insisted that they do this for everyone. I suppose I should be grateful that they don’t treat us differently just because we’re queer. But come on people, Spouse?

  1. Handspan says:

    Hi, I’m DykeGrrl’s Spouse Creature, thank you for responding, btw.

    I generally just bring along a copy of our domestic partnership license if I’m worried there’s gonna be flak.

    Nice to meet more bitter old women- can I add you to my list of blogs I read?

  2. backlist says:

    Please do add me! Specially since I’ve secretly been reading you for ages. You and yours share a number of interests with me and mine.

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