Posted: 9 November 2007 in bitter old woman

I probably have more pet peeves that you are prepared to listen to, so I’ll just bring you one today.  Perfume in the bathroom. 

Oh ye offenders.  When you spray your pretty floral scent in your boudoir in the morning it must just smell wonderful.  In fact, I imagine you smell delicious when you get home after a long day and you lean against the one you love and she kisses you just so slightly and it all springs to life again.  I’m sure you aren’t the person who leaves stink, like a skunk, on everyone you hug.  You, dear reader, would never mark your victims like a cat in heat.  I’m sure that no one minds if you freshen up in the car as you drive to work, or reapply before a night out.  But I mind, oh yes, I mind, when you give a little spritz in the bathroom at work. 

You are at work.  You do not need to smell like you’ve been dipped in essential oils.  No matter how delightful you smell, how earthy, how flowery, how fruity, how spicy, how pear-and-incense-dipped-in-chocolate-and-wine you waft, you smell dreadful in the restroom.  It doesn’t just hit the wrist or the nape of your neck.  It rises like a poisonous cloud from the stall and drifts, like nuclear fallout over the room.  It doesn’t matter if I’m in there, so don’t try to sneak.  When I walk in hours later, I still choke, gasp and die. 

I know, olfactory abuser, that you don’t care in your sweet smelling cloud of bottled seduction, but beware; when I can’t see for a migraine and I hit you in the parking lot accidentally, know that, had you demonstrated reserve at the atomizer, I might have been able to swerve.  Might.

  1. Honestly, I think that people ought to have a license to use perfume. Until they can prove they are not cats in heat, no stinky for them.

  2. That’s another migraine trigger for me. I have been known to walk around my office suite, trying to ferret out the offender who dared spray within 1000 feet of me. It hasn’t happened in a long time. I think they’re all afraid of me now. Exactly as it should be.

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