A Shot at More Love

Posted: 21 December 2007 in observations, other folks, queerlife

It turns out, I just can’t stop thinking about Tila.  I know, I know, you’re wishing I had an interesting story to tell about passing the holidays in Consumerville, USA.  Oh, you didn’t know that was a place?  It is.  It’s past the outlet malls in Traffic Jam City and between the towns of Screaming Crazy Lady and Don’t You Give Me The Finger.  But I don’t have an interesting story.  And no, I can’t imagine why you’d think I had a rough day.

So back to Tila.  You all had some great thoughts about gender identity, butches and Tila’s show.  Points all around.  Every so often another bit pops into my head and I think, “Oh! I need to tell them this!”  You see, dear reader, how I think of you even when you aren’t around?  Even when you’re in Consumerville and you’ve dropped me off at Screaming Crazy Ladywithout even a fair thee well?  Don’t try to convince me that exchange will “just take a sec.” I’m watching you.

The latest popping thought has been about Dani’s butchness (or lack thereof.)  I think this was one of the fundamental issues for me (and, I’m sad to say, yet another expose of my butch bigotry.)  All season, it appeared that she wandered around Tila’s place appearing to have, at some point in her life, decided that skirts, make-up and other femme accouterments weren’t something in which she was interested.  She didn’t tell me that, of course, I just saw it.  Right?  Just like you saw me buying that Hannah Montana CD in Don’t You Give Me The Finger.  “Hadn’t I bought enough already?” you wondered out-loud to the people in line with you.  I was standing right there.  I heard you!

In the final episodes, Dani is suddenly, noticeably, wearing eye make-up.  Probably other make-up too.  I don’t begrudge her the right to get her femme on, at least, I don’t think I do, but I did feel that she had compromised her entire identity to please someone else.  Who?  The Producers?  Tila?  You?  Sure, it’s possible that sometimes she just wears make-up.  But since she hadn’t previously on the show, it seemed contrived and I immediately doubted her character, her butchness and, frankly, her suitability for little Tila.  (Get into the turn lane.  No.  There!  There!  Oh for pete’s sake, we’re going to have to get on the Wait In Fifteen More Lines freeway again.)

Ryan noted that Dani didn’t seem all that butch, but that she and Tila clearly weren’t connecting as well and Tila and the man were.  I wonder, could the lack of connection have been the mink black eyeliner?  Or the longer, stronger lashes?  Did the Herbal Essences make Tila think she was incompetent? Could Tila smell a sell-out coming?  Was she as put off as I was at the inconsistency of character?  Don’t scowl at me. 

Once again, I’ve dragged you into the abyss of Tila.  I’ll leave you with this.  Tila picked a man, leading many people to conclude that she was more straight than bisexual.  Had Tila picked Dani, I doubt people would have said she was more lesbian than bisexual.  I believe we still can’t accept equal shares in men and women.  If you’re female and say you’re bisexual, I think you’re more likely to be accused of having been straight all along if you ever choose a man.  If you’re male and say you’re bisexual, don’t most folks assume you’re gay?  Is it possible we just think men are the superior choice?

Okay, you can exit ahead at Peace and Quiet Lane.  But if you go back to Consumerville to buy more stocking stuffers, you are going to have to bribe me with a multi shot coffee beverage.  Seriously.

Points for getting to the end.

  1. bdsmtheorybutch says:

    I was happy to see Dani on there, as I’m all about the butch-appearing firefighters, but I only caught part of the episode she found out she didn’t win. I was surprised just ’cause I’m still happy to see anyone on TV who is kinda queer, let alone someone who I might identify with as a butch, let alone on a reality show, and there are really not many.

    I agree that butch identity can be constantly questioned by outsiders or within – sometimes we’re not butch enough, many times (if not passing) too butch for many people to respond with anything but hostility. That said though, it’s not like butches have it hardest in a culture that has multiple systems of oppression and privileges masculinity in various ways. It’s complicated…and in Dani’s case she didn’t even identify as butch – she was just the BTA (butchest thing around) on the show. That made her The Butch who set the standard.

    But in any case, I just watch Gossip Girl and everything’s ok.

  2. rye says:

    I was totally going to mention the whole makeup thing! But I figured my comment was long enough.

    Also, I don’t think it upsets me that Tila picked a guy, per say – it’s THE guy she picked. I mean, seriously? They weepy little jealous punk who pouts when Tila is with other people? The dude who SO got it on with the crazy chick in the big, round bed while everyone was sleeping?? Uhg!

    Wait, why do I care so much? haha

  3. dylan says:

    My immediate thought was that Tila decided she was more straight than bisexual too, but then I realized that was a very unfair assumption, that maybe she really did just hit it off better with Bobby, which even I think from seeing what we did on the show, I agree that they had better chemistry.

    Dani never identified as butch (she said she was futch… femme & butch, so in that regard the make up thing didn’t shock me as much) though and that sort of bothered me from the beginning about her because from all appearances her identity and mine are very similar. It would have been nice to have a butch on tv, especially one who was over all so well liked, and actually portrayed as fun, friendly, compassionate… and not the crew cut, crude, bull dagger of the 60’s.

  4. bipolarlawyercook says:

    Now I wish I had cable to have watched it.

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