Superpowers anyone?

Posted: 23 December 2007 in observations, other folks, therapy

If I could have a super power, I’d teleport.  I already have frustratingly good hearing (super, even) and an extremely lucky ability to know what you’re thinking or planning to do.  Uncanny and unproven, but that’s another post.  But today, hearing thoughts through walls, mumbled or not, isn’t good enough.  I’d like to jump from here to there without so much as a by your leave.  Well, I’d call first. 

Chalk it up to hormones, but tears started slipping down my face in a bookstore today.  D. pointed out, rightly so, that people might wonder if I kept crying by the mental health and pregnancy books, so we moved to the cookbooks instead.  Let them think it’s the onions.  In fact, it’s my family.  They are together, probably with a yule log, chestnuts, gingerbread and an open fire while the snow blankets the sage brush and deer wander past in the twinkling moonlight.  No, really. 

I’m here, the only one away, with a dog that won’t permit decorations, a teeny Norfolk pine in a brightly papered pot on top of the only place he won’t get it – on his crate – and no cookies (we gave them away.)  I’m not sure why this year is worse than most (if I cry once more at a Christmas carol, we’ll have to take that depression test again) but somehow I miss my original family, even though I have my actual family right here with me. 

Marriage brings amazing life improvements.  She loves me as hard as anyone can I think.  If I was separated from her, any day of the week not just holidays, it would be ten times harder than it is now.  But instead, I have a sudden twisted view of how things are.  I miss my mother and her spontaneity (or her scary crazy), my father in his leather chair surrounded by curling blue smoke (his pipe gives me migraines and he’s going to die of lung cancer, I know it), my sister and her fiance (neurotic and constantly arguing about their wedding – in 2009), my other sister and her sensitivity (or her ability to be set off like a hand grenade), my brother and law and his you tube videos (and his you tube videos) and my perfect little niece (who incessantly demands you read Marvin K. Mooney Will You Please Go Now! yet again.)

I don’t know why I’m complaining.  It seems silly to be an adult and missing my family.  Especially since I haven’t spent but one or two Christmases with them in the last 15 years.  Especially since I consider D. my family more than anyone else.  Fortunately, there’s something coming to cheer me up.

No, it isn’t the early presents tomorrow.  You guessed it.  It’s Tila’s reunion show tonight.  I can hardly wait.

  1. bipolarlawyercook says:

    I get weepy at Christmas, too, even though I’m “home” with my Better Half more than I am anywhere else in the world. Sorry you’re having a tough time– I don’t think it’s silly at all.

    Wishing you and your D. a wonderful holiday.

  2. rye says:

    That would be a good superpower. I’m sorry that you’re weepy on Christmas (eve). I get like that around my birthday, oddly enough – that unfitting sense of “homesickness.” I don’t care how old you are … it’s tough growing up sometimes.

  3. linaria says:

    The holidays are hard for me too. I hate being at my parents’ house, it makes me feel like I’m 15, but the thought of being away from them on Thanksgiving or xmas makes me cry. If I went with K. to her parents’ for the holidays I would feel horrible, but being away from her is just as bad. Can’t win.

  4. dylan says:

    Holidays are a hard time of year for those of us who love people in many places. My friends and I were just complaining about how we want to spend the holidays with our self made families, but haven’t quite made that transition into REAL adulthood yet so we’re home with our biological families, hiding our gayness, tolerating our conservative family members… wishing we were with girlfriends, lovers, friends, still in OUR city instead of at home. I wonder sometimes if holidays will ever be as complete again as they were when I was a small kid… seven or eight with everyone I loved snuggled into the same room.

    Noooo. I miss the Tila reunion show. My life is going to end. I hope MTV replays it pronto!

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