Posted: 10 January 2008 in school, therapy

Life has seemed a bit overwhelming lately, despite having lots of good features like a new camera, having the windows open and a nice rain shower today.  I find I’m lying in bed at night unable to think because if I start, I won’t be able to stop.  All it takes is one little ponder, like “I wonder what I should wear tomorrow?” and my mind tumbles over itself to turn me into a tightly wound wire. 

When I was small, I begged and pleaded for a rock polishing machine.  I was convinced it would take everyday rocks and smooth them into gorgeous, buttery stones.  Instead, it was always just a loud, spinning canister jangling with watery, sandy, everyday rocks.  This is how I feel.

The spring semester starts in a week.  It’s my last semester, the happy semester, but instead I feel stretched, extended, barely capable.  Not quite the right mindset for job searches, city searches or life searches.  There’s an amazing fellowship in Raleigh and despite being absolutely qualified, I’m afraid to think too hard about it.  I’m not sure my jagged, stretched self can handle such a disappointment. 

When you have a spare moment that isn’t filled with your own everyday rocks, think Raleigh for me, as hard as you can.  Say it with me.  Raleigh.  There will be points, you know, for Raleigh.

  1. bipolarlawyercook says:

    Raleigh, Raleigh, a thousand times Raleigh!

  2. Will says:

    Fatigue won’t last forever. What goes down must come up, etc. It is not the fault of kiddie rock polishers that they are sometimes forced to grind gravel; in fact, though I’ve never owned one, I would guess they’re pretty good at what they’re actually made to do, that is, transmute the appropriate raw gems to shining. Raleigh!

  3. backlist says:

    thank you. a thousand times thank you. and let’s hope I’m secretly a raw gem!

  4. rye says:

    Big thoughts of Raleigh for you!!

    And I felt the same way going into my last semester of my undergrad. *hugs* Hopefully the excitement of “the end” will kick in soon and give you that much needed boost of energy and enthusiasm!


  5. backlist says:

    I hope it’s school related. Then it will go away, right?

  6. dylan says:

    I feel the same way beginning each new semester. Well maybe not the first year and a half, but after that… it’s always kind of raw and dull, forced. I am thinking Raleigh for you, so so so much. Fingers and toes crossed, Raleigh karma shooting out of me and all the way to where you are!

  7. linaria says:

    you are absolutely good enough for Raleigh. and I hope you know, you won’t be any less good if you don’t go.

    (but I hope you will!)

  8. backlist says:

    no less good true, but probably in Rio de Janeiro? Which is less good, in my opinion.

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