Uncharacteristic Paralysis

Posted: 26 June 2008 in Charlottesville, therapy, work

I can’t believe I’ll be starting a new job in less than a month.  There is so much unresolved that I feel like my mind just might explode trying to prepare for all the possibilities.

This is, of course, what landed me in therapy before – possibilities.  I suppose I shouldn’t try to take pride in being good at it.  It’s a bad habit, this following every possibility to all of its potential outcomes.  I was pretty good at utilitarian ethics for this very reason.  What better thing to do in bed at night while trying to fall asleep than to think, “Well, if this happens, then I’ll do this.  But that could go these three ways and in each of those situations I’ll do these things.”  You can see where this is going, but who needs to sleep?!

All of this uncertainty has led to a certain sort of immobility.  Normally a crack decision maker, I can’t seem to make any decisions at all.  Worse,  while I vaguely recognize that it would be good to make decisions about this or that, I feel like I’m lacking so much information, that I instantly block out the fact that it probably isn’t as hard as it seems to make a decision and do something.  Even the simple things, like what to eat for supper, get left until they practically decide themselves.  If I can’t decide what to eat, I’m going to have a really hard time deciding how to get organized to move…

The bottom line, I’m just not a very good waiter.  I like to have as much information as possible all the time.  I think I’ll be an excellent librarian.  On the other hand, I might be still here in this chair this time next year.  Getting up would involve deciding something.

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Comments
  1. Dylan says:

    I can so relate to this post. If I’m not sure what to do, I’m a total rock. I just sit and wait and hope something dawns on me. Hanging in limbo is about the worst feeling… I say, make some sort of plan so that you can do a few things each day, feel productive and also see the moving forward process. Draw out what the next three months may look like, that way there is something concrete, even if it doesn’t work out exactly, and you can have that tangible feeling to hold on to.

  2. backlist says:

    You’re so right – it’s what I should do. I’ve tried a couple of times, but I feel frozen. Probably not a coincidence that both D. and I are sick as dogs this week, the stress, I imagine. Thank you for listening – it helps.

  3. rye says:

    Oh, the deciding! I relate to this too well. I like Dylan’s advice. I might take that advice, too (if you don’t mind! lol). Hope you and D. are feeling better soon!

  4. Digger says:

    I think you and I share the same sleep habits. I have been trying to what if the future for a while now…what if M can’t find a job near where I have a good shot at one? What if there are no jobs? If she gets this, we can do that…seriously frustrating for someone who really likes to plan.

  5. WKC says:

    What I do probably flies in the face of what everyone else would say. First I remind myself that even the most well-informed decisions are, to a large extent, crapshoots. Second I remind myself that I can recover from or adapt to all but the very worst decisions, and most of them (such as what to eat for dinner) have little long-term consequences anyway.

    I can be very overanalytical and indecisive (especially if money is involved) as well, even for things I desperately need to get or do. But these thoughts make it easier to say “hell with it” and move along.

  6. WKC says:

    Along the same lines, this is pretty inspiring sometimes:

    http://www.boltcity.com/copper/copper_031_jumpstation.htm

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