I Don’t Even Know You

Posted: 19 July 2008 in bitter old woman, observations, other folks

Funny how you get attached to people.  It’s not the attachment so much I think is funny, but the how of it.  The “I like you just this way and don’t ever change”ness of it.  I like to think I’m flexible, and appreciate people for who they are, not just their current state, but I realize that isn’t totally true.  You want a for instance, don’t you? I’ll indulge, you, but only if you promise not to call me shallow in the comments.  Promise?  In your head, fine, but not out loud. 

We’re at that baby age, but we’re not producing any babies.  Maybe it’s the extra uterous we’re working with, but I think it’s more that our priorities have stacked up differently than we expected. In the past month or two, people whose blogs I’ve enjoyed for a few years have gotten pregnant.  All of a sudden, what used to be discussions that I could relate to are now filled with ultrasound photos.  Frankly, I’ve found it uninteresting at best.  The simple solution is to stop reading, and so I have, even when I so enjoyed what that person had to say previously.  Getting pregnant has changed their focus so notably, they are no longer interesting or relatable.  I compare this to a newspaper columnist who has undergone a major life change.  Maybe the tone changes, or the content.  But the change prompts a shift that loses readers.  Pregnancy does it to bloggers. 

I know I lost some of you in the preceding paragraph.  Babies are beautiful creatures.  I just can’t relate since I’m not a mother.  Everyone has the right to guide their subject matter.  Infatuation with pregnancy passes.  Blogs are not the person, just a facet.  I’m shallow.  Fine, you can say it. 

I actually like a lot of people with babies, both in writing and in person.  I just don’t like when it changes someone so significantly, we can no longer relate.  I think it happens most often when someone’s identity is tied up in the change – in the case of children, being pregnant, being a mother, and so forth.  People with a diversity of interests seem to handle such a change in passing, without becoming the change.  It isn’t a bad thing to become a new person, it’s just, I much prefer when the new person still has elements of the old one. 

I know I’ll lose readers when I leave the Foreign Service.  I’ll be a different person, and like the newspaper columnist, will have lost that something that brings people interested in reading about the Service.  Fundamentally though, I’m still talking about the same things.  It’s harder in person – when people you enjoy grow in a different direction, making coffee chats uncomfortable and, in the end, impossible.  Lately, it’s the babies that have been doing it, but soon I expect it will be the job change, a different city, a new way of life.  Will it be me that people drift from or the other way around? 

Points for sticking close.

  1. Digger says:

    I’ll be hanging around and enjoying your escape vicariously.

    I have wondered what I’ll blog about if and when I quit. Probably gay rights or Indian issues. Or both.

  2. backlist says:

    I’m not sure I’ll have librarian like things to blog about – we’ll see!

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