Being a Librarian

Posted: 6 August 2008 in joy, observations, the fantastic, work

Sure, I thought I’d be fixed when I changed jobs.  That somehow, I’d become miraculously complete again.  I assumed my shoulders would stop spiraling into an ever tightening, increasingly painful knots of knives before nine in the morning.  I thought my days would speed quickly into completion, leaving me with hours to take up new hobbies, habits, a new home.  I assumed, overnight, that I’d be a perfect person, having shed a stressful second skin and stepping out shiny.

It hasn’t worked that way, you know.  Well, you’d have told me, wouldn’t you?  You knew.  You knew it would take months to make things right, maybe years.  You wanted to be optimistic, you were crossing your fingers for me, but you were right.  Here’s what is working:  

I never feel nervous before I mention D’s name, my heart never pounds as I search a new person’s face for the moment they realize that those diamonds don’t have a man on the other end.
It takes me a half hour to commute home, but that’s on the back end of a 20 minute walk and four stoplights.
The dishwasher doesn’t crash backward, my neighbors are friendly but I can’t hear them through my walls, afternoon light spills into my kitchen and all over the counter and floor.  In the winter, I’ll make supper drenched in cold sunshine.
In the mornings, I wake up happy.  Perhaps that’s the biggest difference.

I’ll tell you what isn’t stressful: being a librarian.  I don’t feel guilty when I leave because there isn’t a chance some other librarian is chasing me out the door wondering if something has been done, will be done, is being done right now.  I can check out books on my lunch break all by myself.  The librarian brand of stress is so far below what I’m used to on a daily basis, it’s almost relaxing to go to work.  I put less pressure on myself and do better.  I feel like I’ve been doing this forever.

  1. linaria says:

    I am so glad.

  2. rye says:

    Waking up happy is one of the best feelings in the world. Especially when it happens on a “work day.” Cheers to you on that! Here’s to hoping “everything else” falls into place sooner than later for you 🙂

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