You Know Something’s Wrong…

Posted: 16 December 2008 in you've got to be kidding

You know something’s wrong when you open the door to a wagging tail and a big, wet nose.  The tail and nose that should, by all rights, be in a crate on the other side of the room.  It’s a crate with only one latch locked because he’s such a mellow, calm dog that he’d prefer to be in his crate – his den – during the day.  So if he’s out, something has gone very wrong.

All you have to do is take a deep breath.  Or don’t.  Please don’t, because you might add to the twelve existing pools of vomit.  Okay, that’s an exaggeration.  Only nine of the pools were vomit.  The other three were a stinking brown substance that might have come out of his mouth but more likely exploded from his butt in a steaming hot fountain of stench

The pools continue upstairs, a few on the stairs and then several more, dark this time, in the spare room where the cat food is left.  But it isn’t just the dark vomit stains, it’s the missing cat food and worse, the missing litter along with everything that was in the litter.  Thank goodness it was the clay clumping sort (yes, we’re those hippies).  Even so, just so you know, cat litter and stomach bile dry to a cement-like consistency.

Considering I throw up when the breeze changes, I think I did a remarkable job cleaning the…gunk…out of all of the crevices in the leather couch.  But D. did the hard work, on hands and knees with vinegar, nature’s miracle and the carpet cleaner.  I’m so glad I’m married.

And so sad I don’t have a nice animal, like a bunny.

  1. meloukhia says:

    Oh, lordy, that sounds…awful. I am so sorry. I actually dry heaved a little just reading that, so I can’t imagine what that must have been like in person. Incidentally, some pumpkin puree might help to, ah, dry up the fountain a little.

    (Incidentally, may I recommend Feline Pine? I am a bit of a proselytizer when it comes to Feline Pine, because it is the most awesomest cat litter ever.)

  2. backlist says:

    Today the smell is better, but that’s after a second go round with the cleaner. Now there are a thousand wet spots to step in. Fun times here!

  3. Digger says:

    Your poor puppy. Noostie gets the barfs occassionally. She was starved as a puppy (she is a rescue) and so has a really sensitive digestive system. So when she eats anything odd (like, say an empty jello cup or any kind of new doggie treat…), she barfs. Luckily, she is also super smart…so when this happens at night, she comes to wake me up so we can go to the tile floor in the bathroom. Much easier cleanup…it did take a while for the pizza-flavored dog cookie smell to dissipate…

  4. linaria says:

    And so sad I don’t have a nice animal, like a bunny.

    If you’re thinking “sadly trapped in a small cage, overweight, does not run around, eats only pellets, sort-of-like-a-furry-goldfish” type bunny, then you might be correct. But if you’re thinking “happy house rabbit, uses litterbox, has own pen/dog crate/room, roams free in house for some periods of time, eats salad leftovers” type bunny like the kind K. and I have, then NO.

    Because bunnies? Are sooooo cute. And it’s true they do not ever vomit, or bark loudly, or claw curtains. However, here is a list of the charming things my pets have done (and if you don’t believe me, I can provide photographic evidence):

    -upended litterbox (daily)
    -eaten all the buttons off the remote (monthly)
    -created a nest in our couch pillows (once so far)
    -decided my shoelaces were too long (at every opportunity)
    -“helped” unpack bags of groceries, particularly those with bulk grains in them (weekly)
    -kindly removed cords from: lamps, laptop charger, phone charger, sewing machine, and mini-fridge (thankfully none plugged in at the time) (at every opportunity)
    -mysteriously escaped from pen at 3 am and engaged in game of “wake the humans up by jumping on them and covering them with tickly whiskery kisses and then run away into the dark where they cannot find you” (as often as possible)
    -did I mention upended litterbox?

    Dog puke has nothing on long-eared mischief.

    • backlist says:

      Thank you for the sanity check…next thing you know, I’d have run out and gotten a VERY bad bunny and then you all would have had to endure more litterbox posts.

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