Posts Tagged ‘bitter old woman’

Spring

Posted: 28 December 2009 in observations
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Every morning I wake up disappointed that it isn’t spring.  Since last week, I’ve been cracking open one eye and measuring the light.  It’s dim.  It’s always dim.  But I convince myself it’s early.  Everyone is sleeping, it must be very early.  I listen for the birds and I don’t hear anything.  The birds would be tweeting wildly if it was lighter, less cloudy.  If it was spring.  I’m not convinced yet.  I take a deep breath and stretch every muscle, feeling for a dry chill in the air, hoping that instead my toes and fingers will push into liquid humidity, warm sunshine, lazy dust motes.

It isn’t spring.  I know that by the musty heat I’m breathing in.  The way the sky peeps through the blinds looking overcast regardless of the hour.  The birds are silent.  Still, I lay there for an extra minute and squeeze my eyes shut, hoping that when I open them I’ll see green grass and feel heat on the window pane.  It hasn’t worked yet.  I’ll keep trying for a few months.  I suspect, with some dedication, I’ll eventually wish things warm.

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My in-laws are in town today.  They were here yesterday and will be gone tomorrow.  I hope.  My mother-in-law said something like, “Well, we packed extra clothes for about a week.  You never know when you might want to stay a bit longer.”

You never know.

I know though.  I know that I’m delighted they came to see us this year, given last year’s debacle.  I know I’m very happy to have spent the holidays with family, instead of abroad as has so often happened.  I know that I’m going to be an excellent mom and that I have a previously untapped well of patience for children.  On the other hand, I know that I have a negative amount of patience for my mother and D’s mother.  I know that some things will drive me to drink – like this:

Look folks, when you’re visiting someone’s house, it’s okay to keep your water glass, not wanting to dirty up someone else’s kitchen.  But, if your host has taken your empty water glass from the evening before and washed it after you went to sleep, you are not justified in saying, “If I put this glass in the refrigerator, will it be safe?  I’m just trying to keep it safe.”

You’ve got no excuse if you leave the house for the afternoon and when your daughter-in-law opens the fridge said glass is empty.  It’s not holding any liquid, it’s not storing anything that you’re going to drink later.  It’s empty.  Put it in the sink and get a new glass dammit.

Well, it’s the small battles.  I know tomorrow I can wash as many dishes as I want to.

Dear coworkers,

I know you’re going stir crazy.  I know you haven’t been to the grocery store since last weekend because you didn’t go with the frenzied masses on Friday evening.  You must be hungry, too.  I’m sure you ran out of toilet paper, milk and bread two hours after the first flake fell.  But that’s not important.  What matters here is that you are trapped in your house and you couldn’t get out if you wanted to.

At first, I was deeply sympathetic.  You mean they didn’t plow your road?  Wow!  I’m sure you can’t take your sedan out – two feet is a lot!  Then, I was a little skeptical.  You mean they didn’t plow your road yet?  Wow…that must be difficult.  And your driveway is all blocked in?  Well, I guess we’ll see you tomorrow.  But now, three days after the snow stopped, I’m afraid my patience has run out.

Look people, my road is slick too.  There is slush and the snow is heavy.  I spent a lot of time shoveling a path for the car, a path for the dog and a path for the mailman.  But the key word is shoveling.  You actually have to do it.  You can’t wait for some miracle of weather conditions to magically melt your obscured walks and drives.  I’m sorry you have only a garden spade.  Use it.  My neighbors did.

The point is, you can’t play on people’s sympathy if “the guy” didn’t come by to plow you out.  He’s busy.  He can’t even get the main thoroughfares plowed.  He’s not coming to your house.  You still have to work, shop, leave your house, and there isn’t any excuse not to put on some boots, come outside and do your civic duty.  I’m sure the post office, ups, paper delivery and holiday solicitors would appreciate it.  Most have us have managed to shovel.  As each day goes by, you are losing goodwill.  I’m much less likely to be understanding when I’m working alone, again, because you are too lazy to pick up a shovel.

Look, it’s not melting.  Get to it.  Love, me.

Stopping. Do It.

Posted: 20 December 2009 in observations
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The news recommended not to spend more than one hour at a time shoveling.  I get the point – overheating and all that.  But once you’re out there, and you see the massive amount of work ahead of you, it’s impossible to come in and take your boots off.  It’s like stripping off a wet swimsuit you have to put back on.  Not at all fun.  So I pressed through,  Five hours of through.

If I’d thrown in the shovel at two hours, I might not be sunburned.  Had I stopped at three, I’d probably still be able to walk.  Stopping at four might have meant I’d be able to type without pain.  So right, this is going to be a short post.  There you have it.  Stop every hour for a break.

Commercial Break

Posted: 17 December 2009 in observations
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Being a librarian wasn’t supposed to leave me wanting to come home and completely collapse. But this week has been absolutely exhausting.  All week I’ve been wondering is it Friday yet?  Because in this job, unlike my old one, a weekend nearly always repairs the week’s damage.  But it still isn’t Friday and it’s supposed to snow this weekend.  Which is beautiful and welcome.  On the other had, it will probably mean that my week goes straight through til Sunday since apparently everyone else in the world is incapable of working in slightly damp weather.

Wow.  Went on a bit, didn’t I?  Back to your regular programming tomorrow.

LOST

Posted: 12 November 2009 in observations
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Lost:

One Sense of Humor.  Possibly abducted by a pack of threatening grey Rain Clouds skulking around the city and pissing on everything.  Wanted in connection with the case: A bad Attitude wearing a black ski mask and driving slowly in a paneled van, a large quantity of Dog Hair seen seeping into every corner, a menacing pile of unwashed Laundry, a shifty Obsessive Streak, an Emotional Mess lurking in the shadows and a Personality Both Panicked and Apathetic.  The latter is considered armed and very dangerous.

Sense of Humor last seen quivering in a back alley under the glare of one Short Fuse and his accomplice Fruitless Frustration.  No reward has been offered for its safe return, given the owner’s current tightfisted behavior and worrisome penny-pinching.  Also possible that Sense of Humor has run away from home.  No one in the home would be surprised.

You all know by now that I’m awake at night more often than I’d like to be.  Last night, I lay there as long as I could, wondering why I couldn’t fall asleep.  Usually, it’s an exercise in solving every possible problem that could come up in the next 20 years.  Surprise!  It can take awhile.  This time I was caught up in things I’d like to be doing.  It’s as if I would never have another free moment ever and these precious eight hours were all I would have to get a million things done.

I wish I could say these were important tasks, but they aren’t.  Sure, that wedding present is late.  But my sister’s birthday gift doesn’t need to be shipped til next week.  And really, that recorded show from October can probably wait another week.  It just feels like there are never enough hours in the day.  Or maybe I’m squandering the time I do have.  Regardless, I’d rather not lay there in bed thinking about it.

And then there’s this.  Yay!  Lab rats agree with me, lack of sleep isn’t a good idea.  I’ve exhausted my fall asleep methods, now to figure out how to pack more into a day.